As a male it is hard for me to concede defeat and admit that I am very obviously not the better man.  A hard pill to swallow.

Publicly she was very private.  Preferring to spend time with those few that had gleaned the trust that she so closely guarded.  Quick to smile and slow to talk.  She had ended a symbiotic relationship with a distant and sometimes difficult lover.  Many had made the assumption that she was unworldly but those that had were sadly mistaken.  She amassed an appreciation of the arts.  Never letting herself wax poetic, instead using articulate intelligence to relay her opinions on whatever subject happens to be on the table at the moment.  Imperceptibly controlling any situation she decides to put herself in.  One of the worlds greatest tragedies being that she often feels herself overlooked.  Entirely missing the fact that every eye in the room is glued to her movements.  On any normal day she is beautiful, with a sideways smile that hints at mischievousness.  Once in a while, on a far too often rare instance, the immaculate is released.  Stunning to the point of causing temporary blindness. 

We had arrived that night in separate lives.  As the music wandered through the decades I wondered if she remembered to save a dance for me.  She had promised and I was enthusiastically waiting.  My time came late in the evening as people were slowly gathering their things and heading off to what they thought was a right of passage into adulthood.  We stole away onto the floor, quickly forgetting anyone else that had earlier concerned us.  It was a slow dance with the lights low.  Few joined us but we never used the open space.  We stayed in the one spot, completely entangled in what wasn’t being said.  I pulled her close to me.  She felt wonderful in my arms.  Soft, feminine, and exactly how I expected her to be.  Her perfume filling my senses.  A sparkle in her eye that I hoped was just for me.  The chaos of our lives slowly slipped away.  She was beautiful and I wanted her in only the way that romantic innocent youth could.  For a single moment the entire world stopped.  Her in her dress, me in my tux.  In that moment we were the only two in the universe.  In that moment our hearts touched.  It was not to be that night.  Nor was it to be on any night.  Just two people traveling along heartstrings of destiny.  Slowing only to write a memory. 

Jealousy is not an emotion I typically have.  So the recent up cropping of it has unsettled me.  My roommate and I work with a very wonderful woman.  She is physically attractive, enormously fun to hang out with and smarter than she gives herself credit for.  The three of us spend probably way to much time together.  When one of us is busy she spends time with the other.  Her and I have gone out to dinner and spent the night having great conversation.  I originally put myself in the “friend zone” because I knew that he was into her and I didn’t want to step all over that.  Recently, though, she and him have become noticeable attracted to each other.  More and more I have been the third wheel.  He wants to try to create a relationship with her, which is very honorable.  I just want to see her naked in my bed, which is less honorable.  I am not sure if the jealousy is connected to being cut out of the friendship.  Being alone to long.  The fact that she is something I cant have.  Maybe some weird competitive streak or a combo of all of them.  Even something I haven’t quite figured out just yet.  Of course this is all my issue and I would never bring this up with either of them.  Still sucks though.

4 hours,

12 tornadoes

1 airport shutdown

1 airport evacuated

2 cities declared disaster areas

And I get caught in it on my motorcycle on the way to work.

They say that you don’t go until it’s your time to go.

Apparently today wasn’t my time.